Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Friday, 28 October 2011

image for Jeremy Clarkson To Ditch Top Gear For Top Totty
The new Slumberland V8 Twin Turbo

Top Gear presenter and lothario, Jeremy Clarkson, is set to announce his departure from the world's favourite motoring TV show. Following hot on the heels of further revelations of extramarital indiscretions and the withdrawal of his super injunction in the High Court, a spokesman told us that Clarkson felt it was time to visit pastures new.

Top Gear insiders have praised Clarkson's generous withdrawal of his super injunction, thereby allowing his ex-wife to make a mountain of money from the serialisation of her 'story' in the Daily Mail. They have also said that, whilst Jezza will be missed, the producers are in talks with Boris Johnson to slip into Clarkson's slot.

Meanwhile, Clarkson is already in production for his new show, Top Totty. One special feature will be the 'Celebrity Quickie', in which Clarkson will challenge various reality TV stars to see who can have the quickest knee trembler with him. Additionally, Clarkson will test drive the latest in waterbeds, vibrating mattresses and other bedroom furniture and devices. He will also review budget hotels and motels, with a particular focus on those which charge by the hour.

Top Totty will be filmed on an industrial estate in Hounslow and the new test track will be a double room at the Heathrow Formule 1.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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