Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

image for X-Factor - Simon Cowell Says The Early On Favorites Include Melanie Amaro, LeRoy Bell, and Josh Krajcik
X-Factor judge and mentor Nicole Scherzinger is definitely some of the best looking 'Eye Candy' on television.

HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell is extremely proud of his brand new reality singing show X-Factor.

The man from Elstree, Hertfordshire, England has shown everyone in America that he is definitely someone who has the Midas Golden Touch.

Simon Phillip Cowell, 52, the man who gave the nation American Idol recently told LaTuna LaTundra with The Tinsel Town Times Tribune that he never imagined that he would have so much money and be known all over he world.

Cowell, who says he does not mind being called such names as "The Sultan of Sarcasm," "The Count of Criticism," or "The Royal Rude Dude" points out that he just recently learned that he actually has more money than the states of Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, and Massachusetts all combined.

Miss LaTundra asked how things are going with Paula Abdul, one of the other three judges on X-Factor. Simon smiled as he took a puff from his Marlboro cigarette and replied, "Well, what can I say. Paula Abdul is Paula Abdul. With Paula you never know if you are going to get happy Paula, spacey Paula, hormonal Paula, or weepy Paula."

Cowell did say that he's thrilled and overjoyed that he hired former Pussycat Dolls lead singer Nicole Scherzinger because she is perhaps some of the best looking 'eye candy' on television today.

Simon quipped that he likes sparring with Nicky but remarked that at the end of the day he and she hug, kiss, and he tells her if he wasn't already engaged he would most probably ask her to be Mrs. Simon Cowell.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Simon is engaged to Meghan Hussainy, an ex-Afghan freedom fighter who does not really like being in the limelight and prefers to stay in the background.]

The number of X-Factor contestants had been cut down to 17. There were four contestants in each judge (mentor's) group except for Simon's group, "The Girls" who had five contestants due to the fact that the shows director messed up when he initially counted them.

L.A. Reid mentors the "Boy Singers." The youngest singer in his group is 14-year-old Astro, aka Brian Bradley. Astro is still quite young as evidenced by the fact that he was caught backstage tagging (writing) some graffiti on one of the dressing room doors.

The singer that Reid eliminated was Phillip Lomax, who is a Frank Sinatra sound-alike. But since America's Got Talent winner Eugene Landau Murphy Jr., has the Frank Sinatra category pretty well sewed up there was just no where for Lomax to go but out of the competition.

Paula mentors "The Group Singers." She has an all-girl group called Lakoda Rayne and these four good looking girls do have some potential as long as they start dressing a little more like sexy young women instead of looking like they just walked in off the dairy farm in Iowa.

Abdul eliminated the Brewer Boys after she said she noticed that the mandolin was out of tune.

Nicole Scherzinger mentors "The Over 30s." And the stunningly good looking lead singer for the Pussycat Dolls has two of the top three contestants.

First of all she has Josh Krajcik who works as a burrito maker, or rather who used to work as a burrito maker. Josh is a very talented singer who can actually sing in five languages including Finnish, Yiddish, Laotian, Ecuadorian, and Mescalero Apache.

And then there is the oldest contestant of all. LeRoy Bell is 60-years-old. And the man is positively amazing. He has a smooth velvet voice that should definitely carry him into the finals.

LeRoy enjoys collecting baseball bubblegum trading cards and throughout the years has managed to amass a card collection that numbers in the 3.2 million card vicinity.

Bell quips that he is so old that he remembers when there were only four Great Lakes instead of five.

And Simon the X-Factor master mentors "The Girls" and he has perhaps the one person who many are saying has the best chance of going all the way; Melanie Amaro.

Melanie is positively amazing. She sang a Whitney Houston song that sounded just as good if not better than when Whitney used to sing it before she started in with all of the super plenamin vitamins and stuff [WINK-WINK].

BACKSTAGE NOTE: Dexter Haygood who was in "The Over 30s" mentored by Nicole was seen backstage crying yet again. Scherzinger went up to him and told him that she will pay for him to see a therapist about his constant uncontrollable crying. She told him that he cries more than Brett Favre, John Boehner, and Glenn Beck put together.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

4 20 15 25

Go to top