Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 26 October 2011

image for Dancing With The Stars: Maksim Chmerkovskiy Viciously Lashes Out At Len Goodman and The Seven Are Now Six As Chaz Bono Is Eliminated
Maksim Chmerkovskiy raises snakes and this is one that he named 'Len Goodman.'

HOLLYWOOD - It wasn't quite the Jerry Springer Show, with chairs being tossed in the air, but the latest weekly edition of Dancing With The Stars certainly had it's share of fireworks.

And the individual who lit the firecrackers, the bottle rockets, and the Roman candles was none other than the British judge Len Goodman aka "The Grouchy Grouch."

Goodman, who is just a little bit younger than lint, is a perfect example of the old-time, dyed-in-the-wool, type of dancing judge who wants to see today's dancers perform the dance routines just like they were performed back in the day when he was dancing with the likes of noted dancers Bubbles Poogarden, Kitty Quackenboss, and the infamous Dolly Whoofowitz.

After seeing American soccer star Hope Solo and her partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy perform their dance number Goodman really let Hope have it.

He told her that this was week six and she had not improved. He told her that she was still dancing like a man, making manly sounds while she danced, and actually has biceps that are bigger than Bruno Tonioli's.

Goodman then added that even Nancy Grace who is about 4 feet 8 inches tall, and who has a pair of over sized melons, and is actually quite a bit overweight looks more feminine than her.

Maksim could not contain himself anymore. He viciously lashed out at the English judge telling him that the reason he was so hard on Hope was because he knows that in a fistfight she could knock him all the way back to Liverpool.

Goodman quickly corrected the Ukrainian dancer by telling him that he lives in London and pointed out that he has been judging dancers for 50 years.

Maks told him that he needed to retire and go back home and enjoy going to the local pubs with his friends and talking about the good old days of Benny Hill, Monty Python's Flying Circus, and Petula Clark.

Bruno tried to interrupt and Maks told him to shut up and stop acting like the Italian version of Richard Simmons. Carrie Ann Inaba then told Maks that he could not talk to Len and Bruno like that.

Maksim, who is known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" told her that she needed to chill out and be happy that she is no longer having to flee from the poison dart gun-bearing natives of the Philippine jungles.

Host Tom Bergeron told Maks to calm down. Chmerkovskiy grabbed Tom's mike and told him that he is getting fed up with the fact that all of the celebrity dancers and the professional dancers work their asses off 12 hours a day 7 days a week and they get cheap food catered in.

He pointed out that the celebrities and their professional dance partners get baloney and cheese sandwiches and spam on a stick, while the judges who don't do diddly squat get to dine on T-Bones at fancy restaurants like The Gunfight at The OK Corral Steak House and Le Loins of Joan of Arc Restaurant.

When the night's bottom two contestants were announced it was really no surprise that Hope and Maks found themselves under the red spotlight with Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer.

And as the Dancing With The Stars boom boom music played and got progressively louder Tom Bergeron announced that leaving them today was the celebrity that Bruno Tonioli had referred to as a cute, little, adorable dancing penguin, Chaz Bono.

Bergeron asked Chaz what he would be taking away from his six weeks on Dancing With The Stars. Bono, who is a man of very few words looked at the camera, winked, and simply replied, "$200,000."

A BEHIND THE SCENES TIDBIT: After the show Khloe Kardashian had to be physically restrained as she angrily went after Len Goodman after he had given her brother Rob Kardashian a lower score than what she, her sisters Kim and Kourtney, and their mother Kris felt he should have received.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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