Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 13 October 2011

image for No Six Degrees of Separation Likely for Footloose Remake Stars
Kenny WormAid does more dancing on his hands than on his feet in the movie remake of "Footloose"

Kevin Bacon can rest easy with the knowledge that the popularity of his namesake inspired trivia game will remain unscathed, as the stars of the Footloose movie remake have shown themselves to be almost forgettable.

Starring a young man whose name sounds like it references a benefit rock concert for Struggling Megadriles, Kenny WormAid does his best to show off those dance moves learned as a backup stage dancer for Justin Timberlake. His Belle is played by Julianne Hough, most famous for her pimple treatment testimonials and unnaturally white teenage smile. While early screenings of the film show them both making the effort to carry the film and burst off the screen, they sadly remain two dimensional in this film. A new trivia game dumping Kevin Bacon for six degrees of separation from Kenny Wormaid? Bitch, please.

Coming off the successful "indie" film, Hustle & Flow, Footloose director Craig Brewer wanted to change the direction of the original teenage drama to be one a little more "culturally important and socially relevant", as one assistant producer put it. Critics feel that classifying the original movie as a drama, or the remake film as "socially relevant", are about as important to society as Jane Curtain's lasting inability to reach orgasm.

Saturday Night Live "ignorant slut" references aside, early reviewers of the film say that it isn't really that bad. Then again, is that sort of feedback normally associated with something culturally important or socially relevant? We think not. Kevin Bacon, you six degrees of separation slut. We love you, man. Your little trivia game is safe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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