Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 7 October 2011

image for A Heartbroken Jessica Simpson Asks "Am I A Damn Doormat Or What?" As Her Fiancé Cancels Their Wedding Plans
Simpson shown standing in line at a Burger Bandit in West Hollywood. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - A very pregnant Jessica Simpson and her fiancé Eric Johnson cannot hide the fact that there is trouble, lots of trouble in paradise.

Simpson, who is with child, a real baby, not Eric, told a close friend that Eric has cancelled their wedding which was to have taken place on November 11.

The friend identified as Kyndi "Vitamins" Wafflinberger, 32, revealed that Jessica is simply devastated and kept asking her, "Kyndi, what the hell is wrong with me? Am I a damn doormat or what?"

According to Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk, Kynki replied that she was not a doormat and that she may be kind of on the grouchy, nagging, overbearing side but that is understandable because she no longer looks as stunningly attractive as she did three years ago.

Chipotle added that Kyndi told her that she has always been extremely honest with her friend Jessica one time even telling her that she needed to go see a boobs specialist about getting her nipples aligned since one was a little bit higher than the other one.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I went on the Internet and checked it out and yes, if one looks very closely, one can see that the left nipple definitely hangs down about an eight of an inch lower than the right nipple.]

Wafflinberger says she knew that there were going to be problems between Jess and Eric due to the fact that Johnson wanted a vegan wedding cake and Jessica wanted the more traditional normal white cake with the standard wedding night white frosting.

Kyndi says that Jessica just does not seem to have much luck with men ever since her ex-boyfriend Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony "Oops" Romo dumped her a little over two years ago the day before her 29th birthday.

Kyndi confided to Chipotle that to this day, Simpson still has nightmares about it and she breaks out crying whenever she hears the "Happy Birthday Song."

SIDENOTE: Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that as soon as Charlie Sheen found out about Johnson calling off the wedding that he texted Simpson inviting her to fly down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico where he will make her forget all about Eric, the wedding cake, the wedding, and her disappearing sexy looks.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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