Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 7 October 2011

image for Big Time Drama Hits The Ashton Kutcher-Demi Moore Marriage
A photo of 48-year-old Demi Moore who Ashton Kutcher now affectionately calls "Granny Cougar"

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The hills are alive with the sound of shouting. Neighbors of one of the most popular May-December married couples in Tinsel Town, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, reported hearing some sounds that broke the serenity of the land of the silver screen.

According to Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors the once sugarcoated oat meal cookie happy couple now appears to have had all the sugar rubbed off and all that remains are the cold oats.

Amid rumors that Ashton has been seen all over El Lay with his brand new lady friend the young, vivacious, and oh so sultry 23-year-old Sara Leal, Demi has taken to keeping to herself in the couple's mansion.

A close friend of Moore's said that Demi is devastated at the thought that her super young husband Ashy, as she calls him, could leave her and be frolicking all over town with a young woman who is young enough to be Demi's daughter.

When Rangoon asked Moore if she had seen the photos of Kutcher and Miss Leal she replied that she had not. She told her that she just happened to have some copies with her and asked if she would care to see them.

Moore nodded that she would and Rangoon showed them to her. The first one showed Kutcher's car with Leal sitting in the back seat.

The second photo showed Kutcher in the front seat of the car and the third photo showed Kutcher and Leal in the back seat of the car engaged in what allegedly looked like Ashton at second base and getting ready to head for third.

Demi mentioned that Leal was wearing an imported Portuguese Man-O-War Diamond Studded Necklace that (Ashton) had given to her earlier this year three days after Valentine's Day.

She looked a little closer and noticed that Sara was also wearing one of her favorite Victoria's Secret bras. Moore asked Rangoon if the Leal bitch was poor or what.

Rangoon replied that Leal has a checking account with about $1,700 in it plus a savings account that has $915.

Demi told her that she is extremely pissed and that she is going to show Aston as soon as she sees him exactly what an older, angry drama queen looks like up close.

Rangoon, who is not shy, looked at Moore and said that maybe the fact that Ashton does know exactly what an older, angry drama queen looks like up close is precisely the reason he has gone on his cradle-robbing spree.

Moore told Rangoon that she could leave and to please not let the door hit her in the ass. Rangoon walked towards the door. She paused, turned around and said, "Well 'Granny Cougar, maybe you can call up Charlie Sheen."

SIDENOTE: Miramix Films in association with The Hollywood Sign Motion Picture Company has announced that Tina Fey will star in the movie Ya Know Gosh Darnit which is based on Jebediah McGillicuddy's book about Sarah Palin titled Gosh Darnit It Looks Like Old "Snowflake" Palin Better Toss All Her 2012 T-Shirts in The Freakin Trash Can Gee Willikers You Betcha. Word is that Denzel Washington will be starring as Palin's basketball interest Glenn Rice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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