Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 4 October 2011

image for Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan To Guest Star With Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder On "The Vampire Diaries"
Manolo Middlezuck's niece Willow Middlezuck appears as an extra on The Vampire Diaries. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

HOLLYWOOD - Manolo Middlezuck, the producer of The Vampire Diaries which stars Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder has just announced that he has signed Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan to guest star in upcoming episodes of the popular cable television series.

Middlezuck spoke with TV ClickerWorld's Sangria Wine and he said that he had been trying to get Sheen to appear on his show ever since his "Winning" and "Tiger Blood Boy" days.

The noted producer said that Sheen was bad about not returning his calls but that he finally started returning then once (Middlezuck) identified himself as Captain Cervix from the Intergalactic Planet Knockernacus.

Sheen will appear on The Vampire Diaries in the role of Ignacio Moonbeam a zombie who has a feud with Nina Dobrev's character Elena's ex-boyfriend Matt Duncan played by Zach Roerig.

Charlie, who is known as "The Space Cadet" asked if he could wear the same beige cargo shorts that he wore when he was on Two and A Half Men and Middlezuck readily agreed.

Lindsay Lohan, after getting her rather dysfunctional life back on track somewhat, has been signed to star as Lolita Dreadweep, a half vampire, half werewolf, who steals a tongue stud belonging to Caroline Forbes, played by Candice Accola.

When Forbes confronts Dreadweep about the stolen tongue stud she denies it and blames it on Kat Graham, a very hard core witch who is portrayed by Bonnie Bennett.

Forbes and Graham then get into a cat fight and Forbes bites Graham just below her belly button and Graham hits Forbes with her witches broom which is really a Louisville Slugger Baseball Bat.

Middlezuck told Miss Wine that he is trying to get Michelle Obama to appear in an upcoming episode. He said that he received a very nice letter from her saying that she and the 'first kiddoes' Malia and Sasha are all fans of The Vampire Diaries.

In a non-related story. South Dakota is believed to be the first state in the nation to ban Do-It-Yourself Ear Transplants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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