Written by Big Stu
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Topics: Hollywood

Saturday, 1 October 2011

image for Another 'facial clap' reported in Hollywood
Dynasty actress's face causes danger to public

Residents of Long Beach were today warned not to leave their homes following a second celebrity 'facial clap' incident.

As a result of a botched face-lift an as yet unnamed actress, who first shot to fame in the hit TV series Dynasty, has suffered a catastrophic staple-release. Owing to previous staplings, however, the latest 'facial clap' has resulted in the rare phenomena of a perpetual motion clap, as explained by Dr Adrian Westfallen, senior lecturer in facial tectonic as Harvard College:

"This occurs when the two folds of skin meet in the centre of the face at high speed then are propelled back and strike one another behind the patient's head."

The resulting effect, some seismologists have warned, can last indefinitely.

Police and fire crews have formed a cordon around the actress and the public are being kept at a safe distance.

"All we can do is wait,' said LAPD officer Jim Morton, struggling to be heard over the incessant claps from the victim's face. "As soon as we can, we're going to get a cushion in there to absorb some of the force."

The dangers of the 'facial clap' were graphically illustrated at a Barry Manilow concert in Las Vegas earlier today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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