Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 28 September 2011

image for Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Are The First Guests At Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler's Brand New Cabo San Lucas Resort & Casino
President Obama on the phone with Steven Tyler confirming that he will be at his resort casino's grand opening.

CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - The Puffy Taco Resort & Casino officially had its grand opening and the very first registered guests were the stars of the Twilight series Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

The new resort and casino is co-owned by Ryan Seacrest and Steven Tyler who told Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight that they were thrilled to be the proud owners of the biggest, most luxurious hotel in all of Cabo San Lucas.

RPattz and K-Stew remarked that they could not believe that Seacrest and Tyler had chosen them to be their very first guests.

Kristen said that Rob and her told Ryan that they would most certainly agree to his and Steven's suggestion that they appear in a TV commercial where they remark to the camera how much more they like American Idol than Simon Cowell's new copy cat show X-Factor.

Seacrest noted that each of the hotel rooms has a state-of-the-art Olympic-sized jacuzzi that can accommodate up to 10 people or 12 if two or three are on the slender side.

Tyler added that no expense was spared as he pointed out that all of the beds were imported from France, the coffee tables from Colombia, the drapes from Norway, and the carpets from Portugal.

The honorary guest at the grand opening festivities was Mexico's President Nacho Winslow and the republic's first señora Carmelita Winslow.

Also on the exclusive guest list were George Clooney and his new girlfriend Stacy Keibler, Paul McCartney, Eva Longoria, President and Mrs. Barack Obama, Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts of the Rolling Stones, and of course Julianne Hough and Kate Gosselin.

The special meals were cooked by Rachael Ray, Guy Fieri, Paula Dean, Wolfgang Puck, and Nolan Ryan who barbecues the best brisket on both sides of the border.

Music was provided by Maroon Five, Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz, and 60s icon band Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young. Eva Longoria and President Winslow really danced up a storm to Maroon Five's new hit song "Move Like Jagger."

Pico de Gallo noted that Mick Jagger actually got up and asked Michelle Obama to dance to the song that was written about him.

Each of the guests were provided with $2,000 worth of free casino chips, except for Julianne, Kate, and Carmelita Winslow who were given $4,000 in free chips.

SIDENOTE: Vice-President Joe Biden was also invited but he had to decline saying that if he had left the country he would have had to leave the president's mother-in-law, Marian Shields Robinson in charge and he knows that Republican screams could have been heard all the way to Timbuktu in western Africa.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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