Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 20 September 2011

image for 'Two and A Half Men' Goes On Without Charlie "The Former Mr. $1.8 Million Per Show" Sheen
Ashton Kutcher's size 13 beach sandals sitting in front of Charlie's Malibu Beach House.

HOLLYWOOD - Well the moment of truth has finally arrived and the new season of Two and A Half Men aired on CBS (Cursed By Sheen).

The Tinsel Town Times Tribune's Margarita Mixx remarked that the show's creator, producer, and head writer Chuck Lorre may just end up wishing that he had tried to work something out with the former "Space Cadet."

Miss Mixx noted that Demi Moore's boy toy Ashton Kutcher did good with what he was given, but the trouble is that he was just not given anything of substance that he could sink his teeth into.

Sitting at a bar with Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) and saying that he does not like Appletini's is just not going to get it.

Mixx added that Kutcher's character Walden Schmidt parading around in the nude except with that electronic graphic square covering his groin region is not going to keep the viewers coming back either.

Seventeen-year-old Jake Harper played by Angus T. Jones could have actually phoned in his part as could have Marin Hinkle who plays Judith, Jake's mother and Alan's ex-wife.

The 5T reporter pointed out that in her opinion the show could be saved if they shift the focus from Schmidt to the housekeeper Berta (Conchata Ferrell), Charlie's stalker Rose (Melanie Lynskey), and Charlie's mom Evelyn (Holland Taylor).

They could change the name to Three and A Half Women, Rose, Evelyn, and the pleasantly hefty Berta who would be the one and a half.

The show could really be a hit with the young Rose and the elderly Evelyn going out barhopping and coming back with all kinds of strange and unusual guys and then having Berta make her zinger comments about the strange guys and zing Rose and Evelyn for their whorey ways.

Mixx grinned and said that Chucky boy may even be able to get rid of that infernal laugh track machine. It is a sure bet that the damn thing is paid for 50 times over.

In a related story. Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle said she talked to Charlie Sheen after he had watched the premier episode. She said that Sheen told her that he bets that Lorre probably wishes that he had sent Charlie Harper to The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic instead of having him get run over by a train.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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