Written by Jason Safoutin
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Topics: buffalo

Wednesday, 21 December 2005

image for The Dead File Class-Action Lawsuit
The Dead arrive at the U.S. Supreme Court.

Buffalo NY - A lawyer, who wishes to remain anonomyous, for the moment, is filing a classs action law suit again several drug companies in the United States.

He met with several dead people who have seen commercials stating "If YOU or anyone you know has DIED while taking..." and decided that because each of them had died from taking those particular drugs, filed a lawsuit with the U.S. Supreme court today.

"My dead clients are outraged and appalled that the U.S. government even let these drugs on the market." He then went to accuse the FDA of "just trying to make money off sick people and leaving them for dead."

The lawyer arranged a press conference with the dead however the dead were unable to comment.

We have called the beyond several times, but as expected, none of our calls were returned. We did recieve several prank calls of moaning and screaming and at time almost a Angelic and heavenly sound. Our experts are still baffled.

Hearings on the suit have not yet been scheduled and the details of the case have not yet been released.

We asked Judge Jon Doe what he thought of the announcement, "Dead people have just as much right as un-dead people."

The drug companies are "beside themsleves." "We are gonig to lose a lot of moeny from this. Life will go on bacuase of this lawsuit. Without out the dead what good are drugs?"

The lawyer for the dead plans on "taking this case as far as I can go and not even the dead can stop me!"

Mean while the public is outraged. "The dead are getting more attention than we are.", said one man outside the Courthouse.

The Justices have refused any comment on the case whatsoever.

The president was asked what he thought and all we got from him was "Drugs are good...no wait...Good drugs are good. Not bad drugs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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