Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

image for Clorox Washes Off Icahn's Takeover Bid
My shirt is in the washer, baby.

Cleansing themselves of continued efforts to buy their company, the Clorox board of directors chose to stage a dramatic answer to Carl Icahn's $18 Billion offer, by ceremoniously removing stained T-Shirts with Icahn's name on them, and tossing them into a clothes washer with plenty of bleach.

"I'm not sure we'll ever find a more effective way to say Bite Me, than to take Icahn's name written in brown gravy, and bleach it back to pure white", says Clorox media consultant, Manny Sadork. The Clorox board apparently agreed, making a situation comedy out of their recent board meeting, complete with functioning washer and dryer in the board room next to the mini fridge.

There were no new tactics announced from Icahn's camp, though the general word on the street indicates that Icahn is not willing to give up the fight for Clorox. "As if, the addition of a detergent company will somehow clean up his portfolio", commented Sadork. "Must be nice to have all that money".

In a related story, Icahn is reportedly anticipating another tax break following congressional budget negotiations, so he can sweeten the cash deal for Clorox, and then do a little employee clean up on his own.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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