Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 21 July 2011

image for Wanted: New UK Rough Trade & Investment Envoy
Applicants are being drawn from the same diplomatic community that recruited the last incum-bent

London - A job ads noticeboard at a Soho newsagents window is advertising the position following an unexpected vacancy.

The For Sale & Wanted ad directs applicants to the mobile phone number of a Wapping recruitment agency.

And specifies that a high level Criminal Records Bureau background sweep will be hacked - er...mandatory!

The news comes amid reports that Prince Andrew has been ousted from his globe-trotting royal gravytrain sinecure.

Years of dodgy dealings with US pervs, Russian oligarchs and bent sheikhs have seen the international business role downgraded from 'pimp' to 'envoy' a Palace spokesperson admitted today.

Candidates for the revamped position may be vetted by the same government security checks agency that cleared Andy Coulson for his top No 10 job.

Blood tests, intimate swabs and other organic indicators of upright clean living may also be required in the recruitment procedure.

"That inevitably rules out 99.9% of Andrew's relatives, heheh," Soho newsagent Costas Allotas Mazoomahs commented today.

Neil Wallis is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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