Written by Sir Derek Jackson
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Monday, 23 May 2011

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Steve Ballmer plays Fagin in Oliver Twist

Las Vegas (AP) A Microsoft customer Service representative has admitted they cannot innovate and are required to always follow protocol.

The revelation that Microsoft is a slow clambering beast bogged down in bureaucratic protocol comes as no surprise to many. With thousands of frustrated customers daily finding themselves speaking to someone in the Philippines with a fake American Accent.

"They (Microsoft Customer Service Representatives) were most unhelpful; indeed all they achieved was to make me more @##$%%$ ANGRY" said Ivan Beenrippedoff who contacted XBox 360 Customer Service after Microsoft without authorization debited $190 from his Credit Card.

Many blame CEO Steve Ballmer for the public's perception of Microsoft being a criminal enterprise. His recent portrayal of Fagin in the remake of Oliver Twist has done little to help.

"When people see Steve Ballmer on stage previewing Windows Phone 7 Mango update today they are going to remember his Oscar nominated performance of Fagin in Oliver Twist, they see a man that gets children to steal for him, he's been typecast" said Ivan Beenrippedoff.

Microsoft woes are a serious blow as it attempts to gain a foothold in the mobile market competing against consumer darlings Apple iPhone and Google Android.

Steve Jobs might as well be playing "Oliver" said disgruntled Microsoft Shareholder Paris Hilton. "How Steve can live with himself stealing from children and animals is beyond me"

Microsoft is likely to come under increasing pressure to introduce further safeguards and security to its online sales system as major games developers Activision, Lionhead,Rockstar and Harmonix become more reliant on downloadable content for sales.

Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, FableIV, L.A. Noire and Dance Central 2 all push Down Loadable Content (DLC). The last thing Microsoft wants is parents saying "Sony is safer" when it's a multi-billion dollar business.

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