Written by wadenelson
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: French, Las Vegas

Tuesday, 6 September 2005

Las Vegas (AARP) Casino Mogul Steve Wynnwood today announced that a"French Quarter" themed casino / vacation complex in Las Vegas will likely be completed "Before the actual city is pumped dry." Claims Wynnwood "I believer, over time, visits to the "NEWER Orleans" will replace tourism to the ruined city beneath the waves," he stated. "It will have everything the REAL New Orleans has, including hurricanes -- the beverage, that is. The only thing our resort won't have is an elevation below sea level."

Citing a shortage of "people of color" to enact New Orleans style funerals, "Fat Tuesday" parades and Mardi Gras processions, Wynnwood indicated his organization would give preferential hiring to minorities displaced by Hurricane Katrina, including temporary housing AND employment assisting in construction of the replica French Quarter. "Who better than the people who lived there to get the details right?"

Wrought iron, pastel buildings, Pat O'Murpheys, Cafe du Monde, virtually all of the New Orleans landmarks are reportedly happy to franchise their name and image to a Casino fascimilie that will provide them with needed income while decisions are being made about the future of the "real" New Orleans.

"NEWER Orleans" will join "New York, New York", "Paris" and other "destination themed casinos which have proven highly popular with white, middle class tourists afraid to venture out of their comfort zone. "Sure, we'll have beignets, but we'll have Krispy Kremes too, for the folks from Iowa" said Wynnwood. "Isn't this a great country?"

The amount of money made on Bourbon Street on an average night is "nothing short of ridiculous" said Wynnwood. But New Orleans seedier side - that of armed gangs, looters, drug addicts -- may deter tourists from ever going back there. Americans like the IDEA of New Orleans, not necessarily the real thing. And that's what NEWER Orleans will provide, the Cajun experience, restaurants, foods, and imagery, without any of the downsides.

According to Wynnwood's publicist, "Crime is one of the things that won't be found in "NEWER Orleans." When was the last time you heard of someone getting mugged at Harrah's, or Disneyland? The beignets will taste the same, and in Las Vegas, it can be Mardis Gras every night of the week."

Make wadenelson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 3?

3 12 19 20

Go to top ^