Written by anthonyrosania
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: HR block

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

image for H&R Block: Never Settle For Less, Unless You Want A RAL. Because We Ain't Got 'Em.

Multi-billion dollar clusterf--k H&R Block has found that their business partners are more than willing to help them find new and better ways to f--k their customers over: This year, it's HSBC, who's yanked the rug out from under Block's loyal employees by discontinuing their Refund Anticipation Loan product.

"Millions of H&R Block Inc. customers who relied on short-term loans backed by their anticipated tax refunds will not have that option this year," said Block Chairman Dick Breeden's bitch-monkey, CEO Alan Bennett, while dictating an inter-office memo entitled 'Need Ideas: Which window should I fling myself out of on April 15th? PS, no bonuses again this year. Also, our yearly convention will be held at Benigans. Bring cash.' "HSBC has f--ked us royally, and Block will lose millions of dollars in revenue, because a large percentage of our deadbeat customers use refund anticipation loans. I'm still a multi-millionaire, though. Yay, me."

RALs, typically used by poor saps who believe that their tax preparation company cares more about their financial health than the company's profit margin, are high-interest, short-term loans backed by an expected federal income tax refund.

It's the final coffin nail for Block, which one analyst said could lose up to 70 percent of its early season customers to competitors still offering the loans.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-K!!!," yelled Chairman Breeden, who invested millions of his own money when he bought his seat on the Board of Directors. "My hot wife will leave me if I'm broke!"

Shares are down 90 f--king cents, or 17 percent, to $9.79 in midday trading, their lowest stock price ever.

Mazel-tov.

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

9 10 3 15

Go to top