Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Food, Al Gore

Thursday, 28 July 2005

image for Al Gore Invents Broadcasting Company
Gourd To Network

New York, Tennessee, Washington and anywhere else he can find a soapbox---Al Gore, a self-described recovering political junk food junkie, is about to go on the ultimate power trip and launch his own cable network, broadcasting his brand of news starting out the gate in a calculatingly duplicitous effort to once more provide a double dose of double talk to the doubled over country. He says he will mostly work behind the scenes and pull invisible strings to help bring his side of things to all the folks all the time all over the place in order to build a likely political community thinking lightly.


"I intend to bridge the hype between this presence on the internet and the real world of media frenzies and really explain what I think I am doing." A good think, too, since how could the world go on without knowing what Al Gore has to say or think.


He very well may have had an early childhood and family life but he does have a tendency to skip to the good parts, pretending that what he wants to do is amount to something in the adult world of public relations, hype and spin. He claims his experience working on a hog farm did nothing to prepare him for the trials and tribulations that were to come, but were a necessary part of life. "Farms are full of dirt and constantly in need of work and pigs are not appreciated for the time and effort needed to hog tie them to the sty of life. But that was where my Poppa chose to lay his political roost and I had to start somewhere."


"Pop's politics were good enough to get me a foothold in City Hall and I knew going in that was the place for me. It's a great place to fight toxic waste and clear the air. Exactly the right place to influence voters of all ages and sizes. Carthage was never be the same."


"Remember I was first televised from the House floor while everyone else was standing about. That's one way to make the best stellar list."


"The best way to describe myself is as a recovering politician. Don't forget once you're in office it is easy to develop an addcition for power, perks and pick me ups. But that was the place for me. How else can you meet the entire cast of 'The West Wing.'"


"If I need an extra on-air personality, I can get always get Tommy Lee Jones to fill in, once he gets time off from his duties working as a dorm mother to that gaggle of wild cheerleaders he got himself involved with. Don't forget, kids go free. Come to Pappa."


"This is my big chance to regain the spotlight."


"And the number one reason I like media is that I am one HOT blooded American!!!! Ah I feel a speech coming on!! My fallow Americans, I can't tell you how proud I am to be here after my inversion of the internet."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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