Written by El Capitaz
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Topics: Twitter

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Twitter issues public apology, announces end of operations
A Twitter executive pictured here on a video conference call with the press.

The owners of the web site "Twitter" shocked the world today, when they issued a press release announcing the end of operations and apologizing for "allowing our platform to become little more than fodder for the overblown egos of professional athletes and media pundits."

The number of tweets reportedly spiked by 5,000% on the news, as users furiously posted their meaningless micro-blogs, in the fear that the site will soon shut down.

"I can't talk to you right now" said one. "I'm sending tweets to report that I might not be able to tweet anymore, and urging my followers to re-tweet the non-tweeting news."

It wasn't specified exactly when operations would end.

But the press release went on to explain that "When we allowed Shaquille O'Neal to tweet at halftime of the NBA All Star Game, it was intended as a demonstration of how our platform could become the most time-relevant news source on the planet. And it is, and could be a wonderful thing, if only athletes and celebrities like Lebron James and Tiger Woods would stay away.

When we saw how many people were following Lebron, Bill Gates and Oprah Winfrey, we knew we would have to pull the plug.

It's clear that now our beloved Twitter has degenerated into mere noise, with no signal; an amplification of the already overloaded world of data and media.

The old computing wisdom is still true-garbage in, garbage out."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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