Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 21 September 2010

image for Apple's Genius Bar Expands to Include Food and Drink
Bring your personal device, order a cheeseburger and sit alone surrounded by other geeks!

Counting on the success of the Apple Store's Genius Bar for answers to technical product questions, insiders tell me that they will soon be expanding the concept to a separate building, serving food and beverages.

"It was based on a suggestion submitted by one of our Genius Bar employees in Newark", says Apple marketing vice president, Hyrum Geekley. "We thought it was a great way to bring in more customers after store hours and increase social networking opportunities of the face-to-face variety".

With plans to serve food with beer and wine, the Genius Bar will host at least four Apple technical support persons on staff at all times, though Newark Bar Manager, Ivan Tahaanjob, thinks the technical theme of the bar will attract many more technically inclined people. "We do expect to fill the place with geeks, yes", says Tahaanjob. "But that should attract many others with technical product questions."

Pilot launches of the Genius Bar & Restaurant have proven to be less than stellar, and appear to be suffering from the same dysfunctional social dynamic. Restaurant critic Emil Innitzelph describes the scene at peak dinner hour. "The place was busy, but filled with single people sitting alone at tables, gaming and texting, but not much else. It was like a morgue, but the bodies were still warm. I think".

One patron who preferred to be called "Warf the Klingon", disagrees with the criticism. "This place was awesome! There were even a couple of chicks there, man. Like breathing, and of the non inflatable variety. It's going to be my regular Saturday night stop now for sure!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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