Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: al-Qaeda

Friday, 10 September 2010

image for Al Qaeda announces thousands of redundancies due to recession and liberal American Government
"We must make cuts if we are to survive."

Terrorist organisation Al Qaeda has announced that it will be making thousands of staff across the world redundant in cost-saving exercises. The organisation's CEO, Osama Bin Laden told reporters in a pre-recorded video shot in a cave that the decision was the result of two factors. Firstly, the global recession, which has affected Al Qaed, just like it has affected everyone else. He indicated that this was the fault of American banks. Secondly, he admitted that the change of Government in America from a hawkish one to a more liberal administration which did not support invading Muslim countries had resulted in a dip in orders for terrorist services.

In addition to the mass lay-offs, Al Qaeda will be cutting back on perks and bonuses to its employees. For example, people who blew themselves up will no longer get 72 virgins but rather a used blow-up doll.

The announcement has sparked protests across the Islamic world, with mobs burning copies of Al Qaeda's Memorandum and Articles of Association. Some shareholders even burned their share certificates.

One employee who learned that he has been made redundant said "I expected to be employed for the rest of my life, at least another 4 weeks. They didn't consult me before making me redundant. They could have offered to transfer me to the Real IRA or some other terrorist group. What am I supposed to do now? I have seven wives and a hundred and six children to feed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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