Written by Charpa93
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Sunday, 25 July 2010

image for BP Says Brit Out, Yank In

BP will officially announce Monday the replacement of CEO Tony Hayward with an American by the name of Bob Dudley. BP is making the switch to put a decidedly hometown face and voice to the oil disaster that threatens to bring the company to its knees. This is corporate PR at its finest.

Said an official BP spokesperson, "Tony Hayward just could not relate to the American people and their need for being coddled in times of crisis. While Mr. Hayward did his job well and we appreciate his service to BP, we have bigger fish to fry. The truth is, Mr. Hayward just could not speak the southern dialect properly without sounding a bit condescending. Therefore, we had to replace BP's mouthpiece with someone who could actually speak proper American English while hoodwinking the gullible residents of the Gulf Coast into thinking we actually gave a rat's arse about how they are being affected by the oil spill."

Mr. Dudley seems to be a perfect choice for BP because he's a hometown boy, hailing from Mississippi, and because he will still say nothing more than what BP tells him to say. In addition, his last name, Dudley, just oozes "deep south home boy."

The trick now is for BP to replace their British speech writers with Americans who can hand Mr. Dudley the talking points he'll need to walk us through this disaster.

Also, Dudley seems to be less of a whiney butt than Hayward.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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