BP oil announced today that it has acquired the Bubba Gump Shrimp Corporation hoping to capitalize on the abundance of dying seafood in the Gulf and reduce their total liability from frivolous law suits. In a few short weeks, they will announce the formal entry into the seafood market with a ready to sauté shrimp called 'BP Shrimp in a Bag'.
"Collecting all the debris within the containment buoys, we noticed all these beautiful shrimp naturally clumped together in a thick gelatinous media of congealed crude oil and kelp", said Anita L. Breecant, spokesperson. "Ironically, when we evaluated the dying schools of shrimp to determine our liability, we found that these little guys were all ready for the frying pan".
Board members are extremely pleased with the acquisition saying that this reduces their penalties and nuisance fees for spilling a little light sweet crude in the Gulf of Mexico. One board member, Ronald McGreedy said, "I'd like to repeat the name -Gulf of Mexico - let's remember that the Mexican's own half of the Gulf and they are not complaining at all about the oil".
Food industry analysts have sampled the new BP Oil Shrimp in a Bag and say that if you can get past the smell you have it half licked. Anita L. Breecant gave a hearty concurrence and then mentioned, "It's our contention that the Gulf Coast doesn't smell that good anyway so people will be used to it- particularly people from Alabama".
Only time will tell if the acquisition will pay off. The Obama Administration has performed some preliminary analysis and said that there could be an increase in hospital employment opportunities for Gulf Coast residents. "The increase in jobs handling all the gastrointestinal diseases will offset reduction in workforce in the seafood industry" said Interior Secretary, Ken Salazar.