Written by C. Cranium
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Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Price Pfister Kelloggs Announces Cure for Empty Headedness
Price Pfister Kelloggs new drug.

Just months after Wall Street declared that the merger of plumbing fixtures manufacturer and breakfast cereal maker was not synergistic, the joint companies introduce a new disease-busting-revenue-generating drug. Nothereify, the brand name for lotta-funny-molecule-drawings-w/-scientific-name, will be available April 1 as manufacturing ramps up to meet aggressive pharmaceutical sales force created demand.

Alert: Empty Headedness is the affliction whereby a person sits and stares without a thought in their head. In days of old this was called relaxing.

But in today's -- neurotic, traffic jam infested, depressed, plan for next year now, worry about the grandchildren when you don't have any children -- society Empty Headedness can be dangerous and certainly non-conformist. You are not normal if you aren't neurotic. Contact your Doctor today and ask for Nothereify and join the legions of Americans who are normally neurotic.

Nothereify is engineered to create all the modern worries in a patient who has none or only some of the aforementioned characteristics. Side affects include; blurred vision, knee pain, hot flashes, facial deformity, loss of hearing, tremors, hormonal imbalance, stroke, heart murmur, fish taste, and weight loss or gain.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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