Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Police, Health, Donuts, Denver

Sunday, 21 February 2010

image for Last Denver Donut Shop To Close, Police Don't Know What To Do With Their Time
I prefer Bavarian Creme or Apple Fritters myself

Denver, Colorado has been called the most healthy city in the United States. It has more miles of bike trails, and the highest per capita sales of vitamins and nutritional supplements. Because residents are so concerned about their physical condition, the city's last Donut Shoppe will close its doors. The site will reopen as a Mr. Vitamin franchise two weeks later.

Mr. Vitamin manager Chip Nougat said that "we're proud of our local people for this. Donuts are not healthy; in fact, their are nothing more than fat pills."

The Denver Police Department, however, does not share this opinion. "That Donut Shoppe has not been robbed ever. We have been ever vigilant about protecting that business and will miss the opportunity to serve there."

Due to the loss of the business, Denver Police Department Accountants project that they will be able to keep the same level of city patrols with only one third the number of officers. As such, local taxpayers can expect large cuts in their property taxes and city sales tax/gross receipts tax.

One good thing to come out of this, according to Police Chief Dan Strockmore, is that "we aren't going to have to hear people say Officer, you're eyes look glazed over...have you been eating too many donuts. We're also not going to listen to kids chanting want a cop, find a donut shoppe."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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