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Wednesday, 17 February 2010

image for Dyslexic Woman Goes Shopping For New "bilbo"
She just wanted to stimulate her "dussy"

Police responded to a complaint by store employees about a customer throwing a temper tantrum in their business and making a scene. Two cars with four uniformed offices responded to the complaint at the Eros Adult Supplies location on Montana Avenue.

On location, they found an employee and two customers restraining a woman who was attempting to attack a man with a whip. The padded handcuffs were removed from her and substituted for regular, police issue handcuffs.

Interviews with the staff and security tapes revealed what happened in the incident. A woman, later discovered to be dyslexic, entered an adult books, video, and sexual toys store with one purpose in mind. She wanted to purchase a new "bilbo."

She approaced the counter and asked a sales clerk for the "bilbo." He directed her to the dvd section, where Bilbo Bag 'Ems was a featured character in The Lords (And Wenches) of the Rings series.

She returned to the counter and said that he misunderstood her. She wanted a "bilbo." She described it as "a thing made out of rudder." He directed her to the section of movies dealing with sex on boats, such as "My Dingy," and "Titanic Titties."

Once again, she returned to the counter. She told the clerk that what she wanted was a "bick." Knowing that this was a brand of cigarette lighter, he sent her to that section of the store. Here, they had cigarette lighters with naked people on them.

Frustrated, the woman referred once again to the counter. She asked for a "bilbo" once again, saying that some of them come with fake "dalls." Assuming that she meant "dolls," he sent the customer to the stores section of blow up dolls.

She came back to the store clerk even more upset, and demanded to know if they had any "blaster casts." She was sent to a small section of the store containing fireworks.

After leaving this section, she stumbled by chance on the dildos. Upon her return to the front counter, she attacked the man with an eighteen inch fake penis.

The customer, whose identity has not been released by the police, was charged with simple assault and released from the city jail.

The dildo used in the attack is being held as evidence and enjoyed by three female officers with penis envy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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