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Topics: Gay, Lesbian, ACLU

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

image for Man Demands Preferential Treatment As Lesbian
He doesn't look much like a Lesbian to me?

A Rhode Island man has demanded that his company and state government give him the same preferential treatment that they currently give to Lesbians. Jack Thimble has also demanded that his children, spouse, and other family members receive the same benefits since he has come out of the closet.

Thimble asked reporters: "Exactly what is a Lesbian? It is a person who likes women. It is a person who is sexually attracted to women. It is a person who dreams about and masturbates about women." Under those terms, I am a Lesbian and demand that I be treated as such.

Because of this, Mr. Thimble says that "any crimes against my self must be treated as hate crimes. Any time I am fired or dismissed from a job, it must be seen as gay bashing and a prejudice and I must be restored to that job and receive huge financial renumeration. Any time one of my children is beaten up or in a fight at school, it must be seen as a hate crime and no punishment can be levied against my child (and the other kids must go through years of psychiatric evaluation and counseling and be labeled as gay-bashers)"

"I should also receive preferential treatment in all job interviews and for all positions. I should get a break on my taxes and medical insurance and be permitted any and all medical procedures that would otherwise be denied to straight people."

"I demand all of this because I like pussy and boobs and a shapely ass and nice legs and am therefore a Lesbian."

When one lawyer, representing the A.C.L.U., pointed out that you must be a woman to be a lesbian, Thimble proved them wrong. "According to the legislation put through by your group, the words woman and female are described no where in the identification of a Lesbian, but only in the case of the person who receives the attention. Your organization thought that these terms were outmoded and gender stereotyping. The current definition, then, as defined by a statute supported and endorsed by your organization reads that a Lesbian is a person attracted to a sexually to a woman. It doesn't say woman attracted to a woman, it says a person attracted to a woman....and I am a person! Therefore, I am a Lesbian"

"As such, I demand all of their special and extra rights and privileges and preferential treatment and benefits....and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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