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Monday, 4 January 2010

image for Co-Joined Twins Named Employees Of Month
The twins, at an earlier age

A pair of co-joined twins, Mary and Terry McBriar, have been named the co-employees of the month at the Burger Lord franchise on South Mesa Street. The sisters, who are joined together at the hip and share three legs and a few internal organs, have been employed at the restaurant for about two months. Their names will now go on a plaque above the cash register and each will receive a company t-shirt and a free milkshake.

Brian Barnes, restaurant manager, said that "the twins will quite often work together as a team in the drive thru during our rush hour. They make everything flow smoothly with Mary handing out change and the orders while Terry fixes the soft drinks and takes orders from the loudspeaker. They work together on the shake machine and condiments and I never hear any complaints from or about them."

The twins, however, admitted in this interview that they were not happy in their job. They said that the manager often schedules them on different, back to back shifts and makes both wear a uniform, even though only one is working (because the other is behind the counter). They also said that their assignments do not always work out, with one sometimes on the front counter while the other is expected to work the fry station. In the employee parking lot, they are also only provided one parking space to share (while all of the other employees have one of their own).

More serious allegations also surfaced. It seems that the company only pays then 1.5 salaries. A greater problem is an accusation of sexual harrassment against a shift manager. He touched one of them suggestively on the upper part of a leg (though neither will admit which or whose leg it was).

Said Terry, "If our manager doesn't fix these problems really fast, we're going to have our boyfriends (the co-joined Pissgums twins) come down and kick his ass."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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