Written by Gail Farrelly
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Christmas, Books, Nooks

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

image for Barnes & Noble's Nook Will NOT Be Home for Christmas
A Nook under your tree? Fuhgeddaboutit!

You could order one today, but it won't be delivered until the new year. Sing "I'll Be Home for Christmas" all you want, just make sure that there aren't any Nooks -- the ones, whether they are complete or incomplete, that'll be housed in warehouses over the Christmas holidays -- within earshot. That song might make them cry. And a wet Nook would not be a pretty thing to see OR to use.

Santa Claus, interviewed at the North Pole, threw up his hands in disgust when he heard the news.

"I'm only as good as my suppliers," Santa explained. "What am I supposed to tell all the good little girls and boys, and the good BIG boys and girls, who wanted a Nook for Christmas?" Shaking his head from side to side, he said, "As usual, I'm left holding the bag."

Santa was not the only one appalled at the news. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had this to say:

"It's typical of business people. They dangle the prize in front of you, capture your interest, and THEN tell you it's not available. Forget about customer service. I mean, look what they did with the sleigh they sold to Santa. On a foggy night, there was no provision, no provision at all, for steering the thing. And not even an 800 number to call."

Pointing to his shiny red nose, Rudolph said, "Without THIS to guide Santa's sleigh on a foggy night, there'd be total chaos. What were those business executives thinking?"

Frosty the Snowman agreed with his friend Rudolph and said that he had ordered an electronic reader elsewhere, turning to Amazon for a Kindle. After adjusting his silk hat, he puffed on his corncob pipe and forcefully banged his broomstick on the floor, saying, "It's like what the character Henri de Bouvray sings in the operetta Mlle. Modiste, 'I Want What I Want When I Want It.'"

Rudolph and Frosty confided that they've urged Santa to check his list twice and give all the executives of Barnes & Noble exactly what they deserve in their Christmas stockings: big lumps of coal. After all, they've been naughty, not nice.

Make Gail Farrelly's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 1?

6 23 19 2

Go to top