Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Cars

Friday, 9 October 2009

image for Hummer Brand Sold To China
The Hummer plants chief mechanic Max Hornbuckle, 61, will be receiving a $200 severance package.

DETROIT - A buyer has finally been found for the fledgling Hummer brand. Spokesperson Billiard Magneto said that after several days of back and forth deliberations, debates, and dinners, the Hummer has been unloaded.

When Magneto was asked for a further comment he laughed and said "Hallelujah."

The off-road vehicle had been highly popularized by Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barbara Walters, Rev. Al Sharpton, Shakira, the KKK, and most recently Grandma Lee.

The Chinese government agreed to pay the sum of $150 million including 10,000 boxes of Rice-A-Roni, two 18-wheelers loaded with chopsticks, and 2,000 DVD's of the latest Jackie Chan movie, Shanghai Tonsil Hockey.

Chinese representatives said that what really convinced them to buy the Hummer brand was when the head sales representative for Hummer Lucy Digglefitt informed them that the Hummer would average about 57 miles to the gallon.

When asked if she was sure. Ms. Digglefitt replied that he was pretty sure. She then stressed that the mileage may vary according to how fast one drives, the number of stops and starts, and if the vehicle is actually on.

Nationwide Hummer sales in 2007 were right at 71,000. So far this year, in the first months, Hummer sales stand right at 9.

Digglefitt stated that all 700 employees of Detroit's Hummer plant were told that they could transfer to China if they wanted to. Only two employees say that they will be moving to China.

Sun visor specialist Ching Chow and his wife windshield washer fluid technician Bring Chow will be moving to the new Hummer plant in Shanghai, China.

Meanwhile negotiations continue to sell Saab to Zimbabwe and Pontiac to Mexico, where the name will be changed to either Pontiaco or El Pontiac.

Ms. Digglefitt has said that Saturn would be put up for sale via a web auction.

The Hummer automotive plant in Shreveport, Louisiana will be sold to the McDonald's Corporation. They plan on turning the Hummer plant into the world's largest Mickey D's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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