Written by matwil
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Wednesday, 1 April 2009

image for Protestors attack wrong bank in wrong country today in London
The RBS headquarters must be somewhere on this map. In Iceland, maybe?

As the G20 Summit got underway in London today, thousands of protestors stormed into what they thought was the Royal Bank of Scotland's headquarters there.

'You'd think the word 'Scotland' would be a clue as to where the headquarters really is', said the bank's tea lady, Mrs Hilda Roberts, 'but for some reason the demonstrators thought it was here in London. Next door to the headquarters of the Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank, ha ha ha!'

Other protestors, protesting about having nothing to protest about in London, stormed into what they thought was another Scottish bank's headquarters there, the Clydesdale Bank, and demanded 'to see the managing director to play flutes at him, and to borrow some cash to take a train to Glasgow to see the real manager there.

One protestor, Miss Hairy Odourent, complained: 'Well, I had nothing better to do today. I have no job, no children, contribute nothing to society, and dress like a down-and-out, so I thought I'd come along to this bank and blame it for me being a parasite and a whinger. This is Edinburgh, isn't it?'

When it was pointed out that London is in England, and that the Royal Bank is in Scotland, she burst into uncontrollable withdrawal symptoms from last night's party, and went away to find a window to smash.

'I am smashing this window', she announced, 'as a protest against capitalism, against President Omaha's visit, and against all the renewable resources that will be needed to replace this window', and with that she threw a brick at it, but missed and hit a policeman on the head instead.

'Oh sorry', she said, 'I was aiming for that window, this metal stick is to hit you on the head with. If I make you unconscious but have my house broken into later on, will you be well enough to come round and protect me? You will? OK', and she promptly laid the law officer out on the pavement with one blow of her stick.

Meanwhile in Edinburgh people vandalised the headquarters of Credit Suisse, and painted 'Scots Go Home' on the door of the Bank of Scotland's building.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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