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Wednesday, 4 March 2009

image for No house in Britain can be sold
Single brick sold in UK, just one, but what a good one

Not a single home nor mortgage was sold in February.

Mortgage Lenders Council (MLC) figures out today show no new mortgages were sold and only 132 remortgage deals were passed.

Net mortgage lending rose 43 per cent.

Alex Rumpelstiltskin, MLC spokesman, said: "With buyer enquiries rising and asking prices up, the property market is certainly now at the bottom and set for outstanding growth."

Dr Howard Archersnlemonade, super economist at World Lets Have A Look, said: "Lazy journalists will cut and paste this whatever I say."

Pressure is now on the government from estate agents to do anything.

Malcolm Bygum, chief chef at the Regal Institutionalised Surveyors (RIS), said: "No more stamp duty, more money to banks for mortgage lenders and a blanket ban on any bad property news. And a dog please, I always wanted a dog."

Today also saw data from the (D)department for Communities and Local Goverment ((D)CLG)) showing 134 new homes were built - including 36 eco zero carbon sheds.

A (D)CLG spokesman said: "Our targets of 2 million new homes is still on target. Look, we never talk about it, but it is a target and we are not dropping it, and we are definitely not redefining a home as a room or kitchen cabinet or a box under the bed or a kennel,"

Housing minister Maggie Becket tomorrow will open a 147 kennel dog resting home - and announce a national building programme of kennels.

"Building needs momentum to retain skills and every British dog needs a home," she said.

"British kennels for British dogs."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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