Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Charity, Dudley

Sunday, 29 March 2009

image for Another Charity Shop Closes In Dudley
Dudley High Street today

Dudley, the West Midlands town where the economic downturn has thus far had no tangible effect, has now started to feel the pinch, with the closure of a second charity shop in a month, it has been reported.

The town, where nobody even understands the term 'work', has seen a dramatic fall-off in sales at charity shops, which account for more than 70% of Dudley's total annual revenue.

Until recently there were nine charity outlets in and around the market square, but Help The Aged closed last year, followed by the Walsall Hospice, and Scope has now held its grubby hand out for the last time.

It's a worrying time for the old ladies that staff these tat shops, and several of them spoke to our reporter. Maisie Gripe, 91, said:

"I've bin at this shop for more than 80 years, and I don't know what I'll do without it. I'll have to watch that Jerry Springer instead."

Another, Harry Geath, who is a retard, said:

"Charity is Dudley's lifeblood. Without it, everything will be just the same as it is with it."

Dudley's fragile economy now appears to be in freefall after several major retail players closed down their operations recently.

After retail giants Woolworths folded in January, and fast food outlet McDonalds chose not to renew its lease in the High Street a year ago, this latest catastrophe could spell the end of Dudley, where nothing has changed since the 1960s.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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