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Sunday, 15 February 2009

image for Unlucky U.S. tourists help Stratford man's business
Signed portraits - £45

Unfortunate U.S. travellers in the U.K. looking for William Shakespeare's birthplace have helped a Stratford man beat the credit crunch.

Americans starting their journeys in London ask for tube tickets to Stratford (Upon Avon) and end up at cheeky cockney costermonger Bob Awright's stall outside the Theatre Royal, Stratford, London E15. Bob does a roaring trade in Shakepeare tat before the bemused Americans have realised that they are 125 miles away and that they've been victims of a very British kind of humour.

Stratford Upon Avon, Warwickshire, is of course the centuries-old birthplace of Shakespeare and home to the Royal Shakespeare Company, mecca of the playwright's fans from all over the world. Stratford, London E15, on the other hand, is a depressing shithole, a melting pot of failed multiculturalism where losers from all over the globe come to get Benefits of all kinds and Dole Scum walk the streets in tracksuits with haunted druggy faces, the women ferocious-looking and pushing prams. A Eurostar terminal is being built there, with the deliberate aim of decieving lots of Europeans.

Bob, 62, has had his stall there for 25 years. His best-sellers are "I've been to Shakespeare-land" tee-shirts (£5) and little models of Anne Hathaway's cottage (£8). He also sells the Complete Works of The Bard of Avon for £20 in paperback.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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