Written by Morse
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Friday, 25 July 2008

San Diego,Ca./Reuters - City Attorney Michael Aquirre announced plans today to designate this coastal city as an official Mortgage Foreclosure Sanctuary, and declared the national financial crisis over.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average rose 2500 points to close near its 14,000 point high of 2007, and banking institutions breathed a sigh of relief.

Aquirre said his bill would allow any mortgage holder in the country in danger of default due to predatory lending practices to apply for, and receive, an honorary homestead exemption making them eligible for sanctuary status.

Among the first to file were Chairman of the Banking Committee, Senator Christopher Dodd,(D. Cn), and Senator Kent Conrad (D. ND). Both Senators had received multiple preferential loans through contact with Country Wide Financial founder Angelo Mozilo. While both loans were below accepted market standards and prevailing rates, the Senators claimed they were "tricked" into signing the loans and that they were thereby "null and void" and all financial obligations should be waived.

Senator Dodd said his banking committee would be pushing a bill through Congress to back San Diego and assured that the Federal Government would be ultimately responsible for paying off the millions of undocumented, no income verification loans handed out like party favors the past several years.

Country Wide Financial, recently bailed out by Bank of America in a $4 Billion deal, had been the nations largest loan originator. Mozilo, son of a Bronx, NY butcher, started the company 40 years ago and sliced and diced his way to the top of the mortgage heap, passing out favors in the form of mortgages
that were 10-25% in excess of appraised value, then selling bundles of worthless mortgages to unsuspecting financial investment houses.

When the mortgage industry started to unravel in 2007, investigators couldn't even verify if the people responsible for paying the mortgages existed, let alone that they had an income, or were in the US legally.

Aguirre said there would be some limits on sanctuary coverage. Undocumented illegal aliens were eligible to walk away from no more than 5 home mortgages, unemployed US citizens on welfare could default on 2 commercial apartment complexes and l personal residence, people with documented incomes of $25-35,000 could keep their beach house, their golf course condo, and 2 personal residences, and all politicians, hollywood personalities, and sports stars receive blanket amnesty on properties valued over $2.5M.

Mozilo was present at the opening bell on Wall Street today, and said it was a grand day for the banking industry and the US and world economy. Major banks around the world celebrated by issuing their CEOs unprecedented bonuses in the form of stock options and cash, and All Was Right In The World Again.....BUSINESS AS USUAL!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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