Written by Lyer O' Spoofer
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Topics: The Spoof

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

image for Spoof writers earning retardedly silly money
Spoof writers earn jaw dropping mouth drooling wads of money

A recent poll carried out by Laughing Stock Ltd, showed that the rate of pay for spoof writers has gobsmackingly jumped from an average of £4.00 per word to the unbelievably silly amount of £10,000 per letter.

The reason for the super-incredible jump in pay rate has been attributed to higher rates of literacy and people's desire to get away from the hardships of life generally.

The survey which was carried out across seven countries on five different continents, namely: US, UK, Barbados, China, South Africa, Germany and Australia, showed that people's desire to laugh till their ribs crack and lungs run out of oxygen is making them shell out sums they cannot afford for a good nonsensical story.

Jonathan Kirby, 31, a Wall Street broker said: "It's hardly surprising that satire writers are getting that kind of unfathomable bastard change, I mean I would pay anything to read a good spoof story, as long as it gets me away from my wife's nagging."

Comedy writer, Arnold Stone, once got paid a deliciously stinking £14m for writing a story about a cat that meowed. Stone owns 10 Porches, five Ferraris and a Bentley continental GT with diamond studded spinning wheels.

He said: "This is got to be a mockery of the legal tender right, one minute you earn nothing for your effort and the next your are getting paid bullshittingly foolish sums of cash," before being whisked away by his fantabulously fabulous gold chopper .

Forbes magazine predicts that president of the Spoof Writers Association, Thomas Benhaven, would overtake the world's richest man by the time he's done writing his ninth story, which is rumoured to be worth a hilariously unthinkably moronic sum of £55b. Benhaven now 40, dropped out of school when he was 13 and started writing satire news stories the year after. He was paid a measly 2p an hour then.

Now the wealthiest living joke in the world, the father of two future clowns lives on an insanely bombastically splendid private island in the Caribbean.

In his autobiography, "Lampooning Your Way Out of the Gutter," Benhaven talks about how his former teachers can suck his irresistibly funny balls and also gives advice on how to ridicule that green stuff by jesting about anything that comes to mind, including the word jest itself.

Dwayne Ellison, 38, who has written fictitious news stories about everything that and will exist, said: "The day a depressed Arab prince paid me a mindnumbingly foolish sum of £120m for a personal spoof story, I knew it was only a matter of time before I started cleaning my bastardly rich ass with that crisp stuff."

The writer of this story was paid a flabbergasting ludicrous pinhead amount of £25,000 per letter and an extra £100,000 for every polysyllabic word.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

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