Written by Evan Essence
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Sunday, 5 October 2008

image for Experts Say US Economy "Between Iraq and a Hard Place"
Well, my money's safe.

Last week, the President of the United States appeared on national television, telling Congress that if they didn't immediately pass the $700 billion bailout, the entire US economy was likely to collapse. At the same time, John McCain appeared at the other end of Washington, at a campaign rally, telling confused voters that we must go forever forward, in the multi-trillion dollar "Eternal Unending Global War to Incite Terrorism, for the Glory of God, Country, and the Conquest of the World's Oil Supplies."

Harvard Professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton, remarked, "The 'Mental Recession' is right between John McCain's ears, and those of many of his followers."

"At a time when the US economy is teetering on the verge of collapse, and the National Debt is increasing to $10 trillion, it is utterly insane to continue mindlessly spending $2.7 trillion...which we don't have... on a war which has no purpose, and hasn't accomplished anything, except to level Iraq and turn it into a bloody, gooey mess," Professor Hampton observed.

Economists refer to the "Fiscal Insanity" of the Bush years, when the mirage of economic vitality was created when Alan "Bubbles" Greenspan instigated the Housing Bubble, by dramatically lowering interest rates, accounting for fully 25% of consumer spending in Bush's supposedly vibrant economy, and the rest of Bush's economic sleight-of-hand, was accomplished by pumping billions of deficit dollars, into the economy, by ramping up government spending, at the same time that he drastically cut taxes, resulting in the bankruptcy of the government, tying the hands of the Federal Reserve, and bringing the entire economy to the verge of collapse.

When asked how he will finance his multi-trillion dollar war, when the government is bankrupt, and US economy is collapsing, McCain answered, that the Fed must increase interest rates to 40%, so people all over the globe will invest in US government bonds.

When reminding McCain, that increasing interest rates even by 1%, will inevitably bring about the collapse of the entire US banking system, which is already on the verge of collapse, and prevent any recovery in the mortgage market, which is at the root of our economic problems, McCain replied, that he has complete faith in the vitality of the American Economy, and that, in any case, the Glorious Global War Machine must go forward, even if it is completely financed by foreign countries, and the American people will always have the ingenuity and perseverance to fare well on their own.

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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