Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Jesus

Wednesday, 1 August 2007

image for No penis on Wal-Mart's Jesus dolls
Realistic until you check out what's under the kit

New York - (Ass Mess): "It was a commercial as well as ethical decision," a Wal-Mart spokesman asid today in reply to questions about just how life-like the retailer's Jesus dolls really are.

The 12 inch high plastic dolls are being sold for around $20 a pop and are part of a range than includes King Herod, Pontius Pilot, Mary Magdalene, the twelve Apostles and the all important Holy Ass from Bethlehem's nativity scene.

The Jesus doll is marketed as an authentic reproduction even thought under its robes it is as anatomically challenged as Barbie's boyfriend Ken himself:

"This is religion. We don't do penises," a Wal-Mart supplier said today.

The foot-high plastic doll is designed to quote scripture, turn water into wine, do magic tricks with five loaves and two fishes, raise the dead, cast out demons and shag Mary Magdalene "in a wholly spiritual way of course", because of the lack of genitals.

Wal-Mart said today that their new line of "faith-enriching toys" are manufactured by the One2believe Corporation and would also be available at "tasteful" and "Godly" outlets such as the Creationist Museum Gift Shop.

Phase two of the marketing drive is said to include a God the Father dolly and a realistic life-size a blow-up rubber Satan.

All proceeds will go to charity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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