Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Richard Branson

Monday, 30 July 2007

image for Jet Convulsion Laboratory sold Branson doomed rocket pipe dream
Aerospace tycoon Richard Branson

Necker Island - (Farcical Press): Richard Branson is said to be livid that reporters have discovered his doomed space rocket venture was a cannabis bong pipe dream sold to him by a scam aerospace company that quickly closed down without a trace after pocketing his $200 million investment cash.

Branson made the original deal "over a few skunk bongs" in the relaxed atmosphere of the Necker Island holiday hideaway in 2005.

His partner was the highly recommended Jet Convulsion Laboratory situated in a place called Pasolina and he was always confident that its engineering blueprints would take him into outer space as the world's first commercial aerospace carrier.

It now transpires that Branson's business introduction came from the recently suicided Mossad/KGB double agent Ashraf Marwan who fell mysteriously and fatally to his death from the ground floor balcony of his London home last month.

Lawyers acting for Marwan's estate issued a statement today confirming their client had been a middle man in the deal but insisted he had acted for the world-renowned Jet Propuilsion Laboratory based in Pasadena, California.

Their statement today said that Branson somehow confused this with Pasolina which is a brand name for dessicator equipment "made of injection molded styrene-acrylonitrile for excellent air-tight fit and durability" according to the manufacturer's PR blurb.

Adverts for this equipment proudly boast that the
"stackable modules let you start small and expand according to your requirements".

As a blueprint for commercial space travel these seating arrangements would have been ideal for passengers used to Virgin Airlines' arrangements in Economy Class.

Last week a test flight of Branson's Virgin Intergalactic Shuttle ended in tragedy as three engineers were killed and hundreds more seriously injured as the prototype lived up to its manufacturer's promising name.

Branson was reported in the UK press today as enjoying a cannabis bong lifestyle which he shares with his teenage son who was planning on joining the family aerospace business until last week's events in the Mojave Dessert.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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