Written by Jaffa Forbes
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Thursday, 26 July 2007

image for '02 Arena' Bought Out - Renamed 'Tesco Big White Tent Thing'
This Duck, seen looking for his friend, a White Elephant, was pleased with news

LONDON - Yes. We all knew it. The O2 Arena in London, previously called the Millennium Doom - I mean - Dome, has been been bought out by a conglomerate of two firms. The first, with a 49% stake in the pie is the grocery and world domination firm Tesco. However, with a 51% stake, buying the business for merely 100p per share, is Little Whinging Arts and Crafts Group.

Little Whinging Arts and Crafts Group (who meet every Saturday Afternoon 3pm - 5pm; tea and biscuits provided) have been shot to fame by being revealed by J.K Rowling as the inspiration for Voldemort in the now extinct Harry Potter series.

But what plans does this humble group have for the renamed 'Tesco Big White Tent Thing'? How will it use this massive waste of space? Doris Gladman, head of the village group gave a statement.

'Right, we all knaw tha' nobody eva' makes any money from this pile of rubbish. Awever, I should think tha' we could use it for village meetings and such...'

Tesco's, the minority shareholder, had a clearer idea of what was going to happen: "Frankly, we were going to go with the supercasino idea, now that Manchester's copped it, but the Government didn't like it. So, we've just taken that idea and dumbed it down a bit.

"The Tesco Big White Tent Thing will divided into two halves. In the centre we plan to have a massive round swimming pool. This pool will be filled with millions upon millions of rubber ducks. Each duck has a hook on it and a number on the bottom. Have you heard of this game? Well, consumers pay 20p to get in, and are given a very, very long stick with a hook on it. If they hook a duck with a number on, they can take it to the prize shop and win a number of poor quality Tesco rejects, I mean, products."

Nobody knows why the Little Whinging Arts and Crafts Group and Tesco are planning to waste the size of at least 6 football stadiums on a massive game of Hook-the-duck, but this reporter has an idea that all this is just a huge stunt, emphasising the uselessness of the Millennium Dome to society.

Perhaps they should just bring it down and built something useful there; like the worlds largest statue of Tony Blair.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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