Written by Ace Ventura
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Topics: Gum

Friday, 13 July 2007

image for It's Kaboom for Zoom
The Forbidden Gum of Zoom

Zoom Chewing Gum / Airway's stock crashed yesterday after a failed attempt by CEO Mr. Cornelius Zoom at a new flavored chewing guy sirloin steak.

The attempt failed horribly after it was released world-wide the first few people that bought it experienced a world-class meal for the first minutes the next they either threw up, died or turned into a cow.

I went directly to the scene only able to talk to the only one I couldn't understand a Miss. Bovine Cellulite. "Moooo, Mooo moo moo moo momoo mooomoo." she explained. This was later translated as "It was fine at first then it tasted like raw meat I wanted to throw up then poof I'm a cow."

Cornelius Zoom is well known for graduating college aged 92, and started his company Zoom Inc. after his graduation.

In that time, fifth wife of Mr. Zoom, Tallulah Suxalotofjizz, has been indicted for tax fraud as Senior V.P. of the company and CFO Lewiz Mooz has been indicted on adultery with Mrs. Zoom, tax fraud with Mrs. Zoom and looking like an asshole.

With the destruction of the company, local property market's have crashed and Vice-President's have applied at Burger King under K-Fed, the lowest of the low.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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