Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Fire, Books

Monday, 28 May 2007

image for Independent Kansas Bookseller Burns Inventory in Protest
More fuel for the fire for the Great Missouri Book Burning of 2007.

A Kansas City, Missouri bookseller burned his inventory as a protest in a scene from Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 or Nazi Germany.

None of the estimated crowd of 2000 people protested when classics by Swift, Twain, Thurber, or Milton were added to the growing pyre in the parking lot of Prosperp's books. One thirteen year old did, however, throw himself at the flames to rescue a copy of "Harry Potter and the Dorky Spoiled Brats." A woman in the crowd also risked burning to save a copy of the newest Harlequin romance by Nora Roberts. Three local men dressed in flannel did what they could to keep a stack of Girls From Playboy from the 1980's from hitting the burning stacks.

The bookstore owner was upset that people are no longer reading books anymore but are getting things only from the internet or text messages. He pointed out that the only way youth would understand Hamlet's poignant speech was if it read "2B or n/2B."

He was also horrified that, last month, he sold more tabloid magazines featuring stories about Britney, Paris, Lindsay, and American Idol contestants than all books collectively written before 1975.

After seeing people standing around the bonfire, watching the books burn and roasting hotdogs and marshmallows, one other local businessman offered to take the 20,000 volume inventory off of the bookshop owner's hands. Said Burger King Franchisee Mark Harrols, "it would be a shame to see all of these classics go to waste. We're still flame broiling, and this stuff looks like it would make good fuel."

When told of the book burning, President Bush was shocked. "They didn't burn no books by Dr. Suess, did they? I like that one about the Fox in Socks and the tweedle beetles. I enjoy books with pop-ups and talking animals. It'd be a shame to waste such good literchure."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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