Written by Moose&Squirell
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Topics: Britney Spears, Gum

Friday, 12 January 2007

image for New Chewing Gum for Butt Holes
A Brown Nose Burst of Flavor

CHICAGO--The Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company (NYSE: WWY), a leading player in the candy market, is launching a new line of chewing gum for your stinky ass. JUICY BUNS & BUTT SAVERS! Part of the new "Fanny-Fresh" line with almost ten years and 40 million dollars in research going into developing this anal confectionery. These two new flavors bring unique fruit and mint flavors to the only gum that offers consumers that "just wiped clean feeling."

We spoke to the CEO and President, William D. Perez, about this revolutionary item. "These innovative liquid-filled gums combine a burst of real fruit juice in the center with delicious mint flavored taste on the outside." Gloated the mucous-membrane mogul, "Great for those special social functions and It's easy to use. Just place it on the end of a fork and shove it on in! It'll give those Olfactory glands a run for their money I can tell you!"

Being the world's largest manufacturer and marketer of chewing gum, with global sales of more than $4 billion, Wrigleys are continuing to expand into new & different lines of goodies for the body. We were told that right now they have lollipops for womens vaginas in development and Britney Spears is reported to have signed a deal with Wrigley as their official celebrity spokeswoman.

Perez did warn us not to look for their gum by the candy department, telling us their new product may be found in the pharmacy area by the laxatives and suppositories.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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