Written by President Bush
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Topics: Microsoft

Monday, 25 December 2006

image for Microsoft Patents Edible Fruitcake
Lead Microsoft fruitcake developer caught offguard

Fruitcakes, having gotten a bad rap for the past 500 years received a much needed PR boost after Bill Gates commissioned Microsoft developers to "make a darned fruitcake worth eating". Microsoft engineers under the direction of lead Vista developer Lance Baker designed, implemented and baked what Microsoft describes as the world's first edible fruitcake. Baker described the project saying,

"Mr Gates told us to do something, we did it. Although developing an edible fruitcake was a little harder than creating Windows XP our team soon got into the flow and produced what we believe to be the 9th wonder of the world, the 8th of course being, Windows XP."

If Microsoft's new edible fruitcake rings true gone are the days of barfing up berries and figs and whatever else folks put in fruitcakes to make them sturdy, weapons in fact.

Guinness Book of World Records describes an incident in 1927 where a London man was charged with manslaughter for accidentally letting a cooling fruitcake fall from his 4th story window striking a wandering peasant in the head leaving the peasant dead ultimately resulting in the fruitcake dropper dangling from a noose 2 years later.

Microsoft's new "fruitless" fruitcake tastes almost not like cardboard beta tasters say. If the fruitcake is approved by the FDA Microsoft, Gates says will begin bundling it's cake with all new copies of Windows Vista of which it plans to sell a trillion.

"Sorry we couldn't have our fruitcake ready this Christmas" Gates told reporters. When asked why Microsoft got into the fruitcake business to begin with Gates as always replied,

"Chu CHING".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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