Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 7 December 2006

image for Green Onions Cause Taco Bell E-Coli Outbreak
No quiero Taco Bell

The cause of the Taco Bell E-Coli outbreak has been traced to green onions possibly imported from Mexico. In response, the fast food chain has pulled all onions from all of its United States locations. Chemical analysis of the product shows traces of animal urine and feces that were not removed by washing (as per company instructions) by the employees before usage.

Investigative Journalists for this magazine have discovered that the farm where the onions are grown in Mexico is owned by none other that the former spokesman for the company, the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

"No me gusta Taco Bell no mas," said the small dog. (translation: I don't like Taco Bell any more.) "Day give me a job. I make many pesos. Then I get fired cuz I no got a green card. How's a poor little perro (dog) like me supposed to earn a living with all those big guys?"

"I gotta come back to the farm. I got no money for fancy chemicals fertilizers."

As the reporter and the dog walked through the fields, the dog was seen to stop at every row, lift his leg, and biologically fertilize the crops.

"Look at my fields. What I gonna do now with onions? How am I gonna feed my puppies? Where I get money for their Purina Puppy Chow?"

"Now they blame me cuz they don wan to wash their onions. I gotta make a living too!"

When asked if he had any final words or messages for the company, the small Mexican Hairless gave a slightly different version of his once famous catch phrase. "Yo no quiero Taco Bell." (I don't want Taco Bell.)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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