Written by IainB
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 28 October 2013

image for Sparks and Mensa to sell wide packets of crisps
a late bloomed, double breasted extra tenderised Royal King Edward potato sliced and roasted in honeyed extra virgin Greek...

Sparks and Mensa, the home and fashion store for those in the top bracket of intelligence, have launched their new crisp range. There has been a slight hiccup in the launch, when it was discovered that the standard width crisp packet isn't wide enough for the flavour names.

"We did consider having the crisp flavours going round the back," said Product Range manager Steve Onion. "But we realised that people would have to pick up all the packets to read them, so we went for double width and half height instead."

What has caused the problem is the flavours of the crisps.

"Our most popular flavour is Slow extra mature Jersey cow skimmed cream cheddar cheese with oak rolled bruised French onions and Mediterranean diffused sea salted," said Onion, without the slightest hint of embarrassment. "Even with really tiny writing, we couldn't fit all of that onto a standard packet."

Other flavours like the Hand reared east-Somerset bred lnoghorn Aberdeen Angus roast topside of beef and three month matured full cream and Japanese extra wide chive leaf horseradish sauce are also quite popular, but remain still slightly too long in terms of flavour names.

"To be honest," said Onion, "I think we could have gone with Cheese and Onion, and Beef and Horseradish and people would still buy them and enjoy them as much. However, there is a trend for giving the ingredients poncey names and we're just following suit. I'm waiting for them to describe the potato too, if that happens, we'll only be able to have one packet per shelf."

Crisp manufacturers have heard of Onion's idea and immediate tacked onto the end of all crisps names: a late bloomed, double breasted extra tenderised Royal King Edward potato sliced and roasted in honeyed extra virgin Greek olive oil.

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 3?

1 20 12 6

Go to top