Written by Spicewood
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Topics: pharmaceutical

Sunday, 5 May 2013

image for Pills Are Us reveals new product
Can you hear me now?

It has finally happened, and we knew it would

The APA, American Pharmaceutical Association, revealed today that "Pills Are Us," a pharmaceutical company in Southbend, Oregon, which is just South of Bend, Oregon, after seven years of exhaustive research and testing has developed a "prescription only" medication whose "side effects" far outweigh any benefits that might be received by the patient.

Harley DeFontaine, Director of New Products at PAU, when queried about the product revealed that recent test studies showed that the "placebo" taken by some in the study actually had more beneficial effects on the patients than the product being tested. DeFontaine stated, "There were a few side effects with the new product, some in the study showed a few signs of nausea, jaundice, headache, a burning sensation in the left foot, skin rashes, internal bleeding, low sugar, high blood pressure, bloating, and three of the ten test subjects were actually hospitalized, and one of the three was listed in critical condition. These results, basically, are rather standard for the industry, we have found."

Davis advertising of New York City is currently producing a television commercial for the product which may be unique to the industry. The side effects of the product are so extensive that a full thirty minute commercial is considered, with thirty seconds devoted to the benefits of the product.

DeFontaine added, "With that many side effects, it must be good for something, we just don't know what, as of now."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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