Written by E. Lee Zimmerman
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Topics: Virus, cereal, plague

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

ATLANTA, GA - Steny Tripinski, senior spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control, has issue a new SARS alert, confirming that scientists have discovered evidence of a new SARS Virus in multiple boxes of latest breakfast cereal, 'SARS-Flavored Cheerios.'

"This morning I can confirm with utmost certainty that the CDC is investigating just how this new strain of the SARS Virus may have found its way into this crunchy, nutritious treat," Tripinski said from the podium.

Launched last week to hungry consumers, the new SARS-Flavored Cheerios flew off the shelves in record sales time. Many grocers reported an almost immediate sell-out, leading to an apology being issued for so dramatically underestimating market interest in the product.

Debbie Milf-Timberlake, Senior Vice-president of the Marketing Division, appeared on Fox TV's popular Sunday news show, Sell The Nation, to offer words of encouragement to eager viewers: "We're encouraging our customers to relax. We at take their interest in our products seriously, and I can assure you that workers in our factories are hard at work on this day of rest, doing everything they can to see the demand for our latest cereal will be met responsibly in the weeks ahead."

Ms. Milf-Timberlake shrugged off concerns about whether or not the SARS-flavored breakfast food was a ploy to attract greater media exposure.

"Those who think that we're only about name recognition need look no further than last fall's items launched in stores," she insisted. "We introduced EbolaCrunch Snack Bars to no such criticism. Our Raspberry Flu-Bake didn't have critics trying to close our doors. We have always put good nutrition first, and that's why consumers make us number one year in and year out."

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