Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Washington, business

Tuesday, 25 July 2006

image for Beirut bombing 'all Ivana Trump's fault'
Canny property developer Ivana Trump

Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): The Pentagon is urgently reviewing new Mossad-sourced intelligence linking Manhattan socialite and canny business investor Ivana Trump with the razing to the ground of much of Beirut, home of the Hezbollah terror organization and central hub of the Middle Eastern soft furnishings industry.

In early July the UK press was focusing on Trump's extraordinary business acumen and talent to home in on global investment hot-spots where the flamboyant international property developer has made her $$$$$$$$$mega-bucks following a string of prescient business tips from President George Bush's blind-trust bagman and former UK Ambassador William Stamps Farish III.

And despite of the Lebanese capital's connotations with bombings, civil war, hostage-taking and proximity to Asses of Evil nation states like Syria, Trump managed to team up with the Dubai-based property giant Damac to build a 35-storey, 377ft-high residential skyscraper in the city centre called La Residence.

The £81.5m project was launched late last month and was due to be completed in 2010.

However, skeptical political commentators now doubt that likelihood, noting that the site which was to have featured La Trumpette's latest extravaganza, is now a crater 200 feet deep and filled with Israeli Patriot Missile debris following a massive hit-and-run raid on the Hizbollah National Bank of Lebanon.

"It was a great opportunity," sobbed Trump, said by the developers to be "very involved" in the strategic interior design of the public area, the four-bed flats and penthouses.

"It has always been a fantastic city in a country with a 5,000-year history of lethal ballistic missile exchanges with its neighbours Israel, Syria, Egypt, Iraq - what better can you get?

"Beirut was just about ready for super-luxurious apartments."

Asked about any potential trouble looming on the horizon, Trump replied in the July 9th interview:

"And about trouble or politics in the country, well, sooner or later it will be fine."

Ivana is believed to have invested a staggering $100 million of her personal cash in the Lebanese property scoop of the century, much of which now resembles the cratered volcanic surface of theplanet Mars following Israeli incursions into the territory.

Rumours about La Trump 'suing the shit' out of the Government of Israel are unconfirmed, but more news is expected this week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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