Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Benefits

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Councils are being de-frauded to the tune of two billion pounds a year through fraudulent disability allowances and child benefit claims.

Councillors are obviously frustrated at this because this money could be getting put towards the entertainment at their Christmas parties. Back and to the Left news has always said that there are three types of lies "Lies, Damned Lies and Politicians" sorry make that "Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics" surely this couldn't be right? We spoke to Miss Onherback from Hull who's total claims come to more than Mr Cameron's basic wage.

"I don't get what their on about you know?"

We didn't.

"I've got six kids, four of ems got learning disabilities and the other three's got that spazz disease you know the one where they have that face?"

We knew what she meant and weren't impressed by her efforts to replicate it.

"But if four of your children have learning disabilities and three have got.....the other thing then that makes seven." We said.

"Yeah what of it I've got a strong fanny-"

"No we mean you only said six kids at the beginning so-"

"That's why I get my disability allowance I've got "Hibkiss Non Diabetic Unable To Count Disease. It's a fucking nightmare."

We had been sat in Miss Onherbacks house for twenty minutes by this point and hadn't seen any evidence of children. In fact there only seemed to be takeaway packets and burnt tin foil, much like Back and to the Left news old flat.

"Are you calling me a liar?" She screamed as we looked around. "I sit in here with my retarded kids, my three legged dog and car with no wheels and you think I've got it easy? There's fourteen rooms in this house and I've got to clean them all. I don't but I should."

When we asked how she afforded all of the fantastic artwork that bedecked her walls she replied:

"Every time I want a new piece I just get one of the kids to slice another finger off. It's a victimless crime you see."

Again we didn't.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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