Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Food, Pizza, cheese, mascot

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

image for The World's Most Famous Pizza Mascot Fired!
Chuck E. Cheese said that they are not changing their pizza, just their mascot. (Photo by Bristol Palin).

IRVING, Texas - Chuck E. Cheese's mascot, the giant, hideous-looking rodent has been shooed out the front door.

After 35 years of being the official spokesrat for one of America's leading children's pizza establishments Chuck E. will join the ranks of the unemployed.

A spokesperson for the pizza chain, Duracell "Parmesan" Parcafetti stated that after a meeting of the board members it was determined that the pizza giant no longer wanted to be represented by a gigantic horrendous-looking rodent.

One board member, Elisinore Gretchen Renorucker, 68, said that she had never been able to understand how a food franchise could have a varmint like a lowly, ugly, nasty rat be the mascot of a food chain.

She went on to say that it was decided by a board vote of 5 to 4 to have Chuck E. Cheese the Rodent join the ranks of other retired food mascots including Taco Bell's little Chihuahua dog, Budweiser Beer's Spuds MacKenzie the dog, and Frito Lays the Frito Bandito, who it was learned had never actually become a U.S. citizen.

Mr. Parcafetti said that the time was right for a move and the new mascot will now either be a non-speaking giant slice of pepperoni pizza with hands and feet or else it will be a modern-day, tattooed rock star playing the electric guitar.

The voice of the Chuck E. Cheese rat, Duncan "Nibble-Nibble" Brannan, stated that he is really going to miss making those commercials which helped pay for his $2.7 million mansion in Venice Beach, his two Lamborghini's, his 40 foot yacht "The Say Cheese," and his 185 acre kangaroo breeding ranch located north of Oxnard, California.

SIDENOTE: The iRumors News Agency reported that out of 10,000 nationwide kids between the ages of 4 and 8, who were polled, 97 percent said that they were glad to see the stupid, scary-as-hell rat go.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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